Reflections Olivia's POV
by mia66
Summary: After watching this awesome episode, this is what I would like to see, after atching Melinda move towards Olivia, at the end of the show. Trying to upload the corrected vertion.


They belong to DW ans NBC, I just borrow them.

Olivia's point of view **after Undercover**.

Thanks to **Lexi **(AP) for your help editing and correcting the spell, wording and other mistakes.

Same story just a few corrections here and there.

**Scene: **Melinda's Lab and what I wished we could have seen in that last scene, just for the fact that Olivia needed a little more of support, in my opinion and after watching the last glimpse of the scene, when Melinda moves towards Liv.

**Be aware of spoilers if you haven't seen this episode**.

Please be kind English is my second language.(not proof read)

-

"Olivia. Did he rape you?"

The words echo in my mind and the whole realization of how close it got hit me straight in the gut.

How close I came to losing my self, how close I came to becoming another victim, how close I came to becoming a corpse on one of Melinda's slabs, 'cause there was no other way of me getting out of that basement.

No way in hell I would have allowed Harris to make me do what he wanted me to do - to let him do what he did to all of those women, to Ashley and her mother.

I would have fought him till the end. _"If you bite me, you're dead"_

His words keep repeating in my ears and I know then that was the only way for me that I would have come out of there.

I feel the bitter taste of bile rise to my throat and I feel the need to breathe, to run and never have to think about the last few days for a long, long time.

George warned me, he tried to tell me what I was exposing my self to, and how I could feel, but nothing could have prepared me for how I feel right now.

I look back at Melinda and look into her dark, concerned eyes. I can see the sorrow in them, the hesitation, but also the anger and anguish when she asked, thinking that the unthinkable had happened.

I feel the tears shine in my eyes, getting ready to pour down my face, down my cheeks, in their attempt to clean and erase my pain, and the shame that I feel, that I'm still feeling. The only thing I manage to do is divert my eyes before giving her an answer.

If Fin hadn't gotten there when he did…I just… I don't want to think about it. I don't want to allow my mind to think of the repercussions if he hadn't been there for me. I know he feels guilty for not getting to me sooner, I know I have to talk to him and tell him that I'll be fine. Eventually.

I have to talk to Elliot and Don, they are concerned about me and for me, I can see it in their eyes and in the way they talk when asking me something, they are probably thinking that this has broken me... in a way it did.

There was a moment when I thought that I couldn't fight any more, but then I did fight back. Shackled to that door I still fought him off.

But how can I let them know that Harris had managed to reduce me to tears?

Fin is the only witness of that, eventually they'll find out. I'm sure of that. Harris would make sure of it.

How can I tell them that I begged him to stop, to let me go, to not touch me, and still keep their respect and their acknowledgment that I'm still able to do my work, that I'm still able to face the perpetrators and keep helping the victims?

I know I'm thinking irrationally at the moment, because I know they would never think less of me or what I am still capable of doing … but still, the shame is greater than rationality right now.

That's why I'd rather throw my self at work and do what I do best, ignore the pain and try to run and hide behind my armor, my walls of defense, hide under the facade of Detective Benson and bury any trace of Olivia at the moment, because that's what I need right now, that's what will allow me to move on and put all this behind me.

I keep telling myself that it was worth it, that we managed to put a rapist behind bars, that in a way we brought justice to Ashley and her mom and all those other women that never got a chance to tell their part of the story. it was worth it and that gives me a little positive thinking over the ugliness, over the shame.

I look back at Melinda, and the only thing I manage is _" It's the closest I've ever come."_

Still felling the piercing burn of tears in my eyes, still feeling dirty, dirty by a heartless man's actions, still feeling hurt and skittish, still feeling lost.

Suddenly her arms are around me and she is hugging me and comforting me and giving me some warmth, some respite. I feel my walls crashing down and I found myself returning the hug, and it is at that moment that I don't feel lost anymore.

-

You know? I would appreciate your thoughts.


End file.
